Wow - I can't believe I have less than five days to meet our new baby. If I had a dollar for every time people ask me if I'm excited we could be living in a four bedroom house! Of course that is the obvious question to ask - the same one I've asked ladies at this stage in their pregnancy but the weird thing is I don't know how I feel. I have so many different emotions going on right now. I told one friend today that I'm going through a bit of a mourning right now - I've gone thru it with every pregnancy. I'm sad that our family of five is ending, I was sad when our family of two, three and four were ending too. I guess b/c I know that this family works - that we are good with three kidlets, we know how to juggle them (kind of), how to love them and how to try spend time with them. I've started to wonder if I've made the most of my one on one time with Christian, do we spend enough time with Aiden and will we remember that Ethan is only 6 and not to give him too much responsibility. However, with the birth of each additional child I know that as soon as he has been born he has fit right into the family - that all of a sudden the family of three, four and five works and I know that this family of six will work too - it's just not here yet.
I think I'm a little more nervous too b/c of "knowing" the sex of the baby. I'm afraid that they could be wrong - if they are they are I can't change it but I think that if I didn't know than I wouldn't be so pumped for one sex over the other. I would have been hoping for a girl (most likely by now, even though at the beg. I wasn't) but expecting a boy. Though now we're expecting a girl and I sure hope they're right - so yeah, I think knowing is making me nervous - I don't think I fully believe that we're going to have pink this time next week.
I'm also realizing that this is it - I'll never be pregnant again. I'm fine with that - I'm not one who loves to be pregnant - not with the nausea, and bleeding at the beginning but by this point I'm fine with it. I am going to miss feeling the baby move but that's really about it. Last time with Christian I was sad that this part of my life was probably over but with this baby I don't think I'm sad - I'm ready, I'm fine with the fact that we are moving on as a family, I have no desire for any more but still it's weird that within the week I'll never feel anything more than gas rumbling in my tummy!
Yep, that about sums it up. I think pregnancy emotions are running a little high too - if I thought about any of the above for too long I could probably set off a few tears. So between those above thoughts - being a little worried about having surgery (it's less worrisome when it's a means to ending one's labour pain than when planned) - being hungry - having time for the other three - making sure the kids are fine while I"m in the hospital I know I'm excited. Wednesday really can't get here fast enough. Ask me again next week in the afternoon as I'm holding our new bundle- I'm ready to meet the sixth member of the Shimmin clan.
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